How PORN Affects Our Sexuality vs TANTRA

How PORN Affects Our Sexuality vs TANTRA

Recently I had a lady ask me on Instagram @stef.is.wild about how porn affects our sexuality. I used to watch porn quite regularly, especially when I was trying to learn about what it means to be a sexual being. Because, let’s face it, we all come from sex, we are all sexual beings and that is never going to change or go away.

Porn was the only real way for me to start to learn and discover a bit more about this side of myself. I had a pretty crappy sex education at school, which mainly talked about how to not get STD’s and how not to get pregnant, we didn’t really talk about sex at home, I was a virgin until I was 18 years of age and had no idea what to do about my sexual energy and my desires. So, I turned to Porn. At first it was very empowering, finally being able to learn about this Taboo part of myself, being able to feel the sexual energy being activated within me. Look at the sexual positions and how to please a man. I could finally see what sex was meant to look like and what it meant to be sexually active.

So, Porn became my teacher. I learned everything I could about porn sex. I didn’t even know there was any alternative. I became really good at porn sex. I was a pro, I even thought, boy, I could become a really great porn star if I really wanted to.

But then, my long term relationship grew apart and I found myself single for the first time in years. “No problem” I thought. I’m just going to go out there are sleep with whoever I want to sleep with because I’m a strong, independent woman and I embrace my inner slut.

And so I did. I thought that men would fall in love with me because of the sexual ‘porn’ style prowess I possessed. I did have some really wonderful experiences but to be honest, the rest ended up in tears, me feeling like a used garbage bag and me taking my emotions out on men because of how horrible I would feel after sleeping with them before I was ready.

I thought that is what they wanted? I thought that was what was expected of me? What on earth was I doing wrong? I was literally doing everything by the Porn book, yet I was feeling very disempowered while partaking in the ‘Hookup culture’.

I thought “Is this all there is? Is this all there is to sex? Surely there has to be more to it?” and as soon as I started to ask this question, a Tantra book popped out at me, then I looked at Tantra workshops in my area. I went to my first two Tantra workshops and it changed my life forever.

There was nothing sexual in the workshops, but I learned what connecting back in with myself meant. I learned what really, loved felt connection and intimacy means with others. I learned what boundary setting and respecting myself and respecting others meant. I learned about consent and so much more!

None of this is present in Porn, yet because we are all too guilt and shame ridden to talk about sex, to provide ourselves with the quality sexual education that we deserve and need, this is where we are all turning to for education (whether we consciously know it or not).

We have outsourced our education to Porn companies and disempowered ourselves because we have been taught to think of sex as a taboo topic.

And if you think Porn isn’t much of a problem then here are some stats:

– The number of girls aged 18 and under undergoing labiaplasties has nearly doubled. In 2014, 222 girls underwent the procedure, up to 400 in 2015, according to the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery. – This statistic has since grown further – https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/teen-labiaplasty-surgery-is-on-the-rise-as-adolescents-worry-about-appearance-and-symmetry-a7006081.html

– A casual survey of forums where people discuss “bad sex” suggests that men tend to use the term to describe a passive partner or a boring experience. (Here’s a very unscientific Twitter poll I did that found just that.) But when most women talk about “bad sex,” they tend to mean coercion, or emotional discomfort or, even more commonly, physical pain. Debby Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, and one of the forces behind the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, confirmed this. “When it comes to ‘good sex,'” she told me, “women often mean without pain, men often mean they had orgasms.”
https://theweek.com/articles/749978/female-price-male-pleasure?fbclid=IwAR0cXW7tKYVo7W5Vv-T36VG8OD8gaGTuYACzDrklLoc-xJwI0XuiXL-g8es

And there is loads more where that comes from. The best thing we can do to take back our power in this are is to educate ourselves on it.

I hope you enjoy this video.

Stef xx